This month, last year, I reconnected with a classmate who has since become a friend.  It has been two months from when we met to when we reconnected. The standard thing a lot of people do around this time is wish co-workers, friends and strangers happy new year.  Followed by the question that I asked him, “how were your holiday’s?”

“Really good.” he responded right away.  A few seconds later he said, “Wait.  Let me think?”  He thought for a moment and responded, “Pretty shitty actually.” We sat side by side in theatre style seats.  I immediately turned to focus on him. He continued, “I broke up with my fiancé.”

Shocked I blurted out, “Oh, no!”

He said that it was okay because I didn’t know. We sat in silence.

A few minutes later I sincerely told him, “She should thank you.” He immediately turned to focus on me.

Over the years I have told friends to thank their ex’s for letting them go. As I’ve gotten older I have become very good at self and life reflection. I can find both the silver lining and lesson in any hardship that I face. In my most trying times I am the most reflective.  After a break-up I am sad for a short amount of time, then I snap out of it because I know everything will work out.

The review of a relationship is the hardest part of a break-up. All those red flags and warning signs that come up and bitch slap you so hard that the sting lingers. Red flags are harder to swallow when you review the relationship then, when you actually experienced them.  All of the men in my life both friends and ex’s have taught me something about men, love or me. Everyone that I have come across has taught me something about life.

The best lessons in life come from the hardest experiences (one of life’s paradoxes).

A month after I broke up with my first boyfriend I thanked him, through a hand written letter, for what he taught me about life and about me. That task was one of the hardest, boldest things I’ve ever done.  But, it was necessary. (I have written thank you letters to only two of my ex boyfriends.) Later, I expressed gratitude to the universe for showing me what I deserve and helping me get a step closer to what is more right and true for me. As I walk my path in life, I think of the men I dated and I am thankful that I didn’t end up with them because of how I’ve grown and what I have achieved since.

People settle in life too often. I don’t want to be one of them. People stay in mediocre relationships or with mediocre people because they are afraid to be alone, feel that what they have is what they deserve or get comfortable. I now know who I am, what I want, what I am looking for and what I deserve. Break-ups are hard but they release us or free us to find what is more right and true for us.

Don’t see break-ups as negative because of the pain; see break-ups as a step closer to what you seek.  Or see them as breaking up-word to the next level of your being.

What is a relationship that you are thankful for, even though it ended?