The Unimaginable

I have been silent for a good part of my life. I was made fun as a girl and I never defended myself. I learned to be stoic to hide what I was feeling (Un-Masked). Kindness was my defense and as a result the teasing stopped. Having trouble with reading and writing added to my silence (A Dream with a Deadline).  I did the best I could to blend in and hoped that I would not be selected to read aloud in the class.

As a result of being quiet, people came to me  often because I listen. I’ve always been a good listener.

It’s amazing how much people want to be heard and how much people want to be understood.

I understand and I want to be understood too. Around high school and throughout college I started to realize that I had a lot I wanted to say which came out through my college writing, art and short films.  I felt I was a better communicator through my art and writing then I was verbally. I didn’t like my tendency to talk quietly, talk fast or get nervous and stutter at times (which made me more nervous).  I always wanted to take a voice class to improve my voice, but the classes conflicted with my required college courses.

throat-chakra

Six years ago I learned about chakras. One of the chakras that I focus on these past two years is the throat chakra. It is the fifth chakra, in the throat and is a vibrant blue.  In researching this chakra I saw that my bad allergies, asthma and limited lung capacity are signs of a closed throat chakra. On top of what I learned about chakras and what I learned about myself in improv (Redirection: 7 Lessons from Living Differently ) I decided it was time to take a voice class.

My voice class changed my life. Through class I learned so much more about myself, my voice and my breath.  As my class series came to an end, one of the agreements I made with my voice coach is to write and perform a one-woman show.  This agreement/goal is both energizing and freighting. I know I can do this, but being that vulnerable among strangers is scary. To soften the blow, I started this blog to be vulnerable here first.  As I write my narrative piece, I get mad at the warning signs from my past that I can so clearly see now. I have so much I want to write about for my narrative, but I write only in small doses because of the weight of my writing.

My blog is also my goal to get into a writing habit, which has been a goal for years that I am finally ready to pursue.  In the process of writing this blog, more and more ideas and memories are coming up and informing my narrative piece.  My blog is my reminder to speak even when it is hard to speak and even harder to hear and accept.  Like one of my instructors told me:

“You have important things to say, and people want to hear them.” – N. Massouh