One Life to Live

“ I got married so I could get away from my mother.”  A classmate revealed to our small group, when I was an undergrad.  Her conversation piece was completely off topic for the group.  We were a task-based group, assigned to that specific group, to complete a research assignment.  Our group never opened up in this way.  We were an odd mix of people who wouldn’t naturally come together.  Her mother was coming in town from Chicago and it gave her a lot of anxiety.  Concerned I asked her why she was nervous.  I learned she feared her mother’s judgment of her and the life she built (Cleansing My Soul).  She was 40 years old, married for about 20 years to a man she didn’t love and built a life out of running away from her mom.  She didn’t know who she was or what she wanted.woman-on-clock

This week I thought a lot about time.  As we get older life challenges how we balance our time and where we place our energy.  The things that are the most important to us are typically where we place the majority of our energy.  And for others, the things that are the most important to us should be where we place the majority of our energy.  I have always been focused and driven and I do what I set my mind to.  For two years I focused my energy outside of work on living a balanced life (Redirection: 7 Lessons from Living Differently).  Even with my focus on balance, I find that at times I lose my grip on it.  I can only imagine how hard the work life balance is with more obligations in your life.

There have been a lot of moments this week were the topic of time has come up for many of my friends.  One of my girlfriends told me she wanted to give up a habit on Easter.  To my surprise she hasn’t given up the habit or even work toward her goal.  Even though, she has talked about giving up this habit for about two years, this time I felt she meant it.  As a friend I called her on not following through with her goal.  She told me that I was crazy to believe that she would hold herself to that goal.  In that moment I said, “If you are letting this goal slide by, what else in your life are you letting slide by?”  I felt bad for even asking the question, but it came out of a place of concern.  Her response was “There are a lot of things that I’m letting slide.”  That moment made me think of another moment with different friend that is in a similar place.

My friend wants to be a writer, but doesn’t write and has never taken a step towards his dream since I’ve known him.  He was also secretly in love with a woman for about year.  Overtime he felt she was coming around and waited for the right time to tell her how he felt.  From time to time, I checked in with him to see how it all was going and each time he said that he was waiting for x, y, z.  Finally out of concern I told him, “If you pursue your career like you pursue your women, I’m nervous.”  His response was, “Me too.. : (”

We have one life to live.  Where we place our time and how we live our life speaks volumes about who we are and what is important to us.  What is your life saying about you?  Are you living your best life?  Are you the best version of you?  Are you afraid of someone’s judgment, afraid of failure or afraid of success?  Living a vulnerable life (Living on the Edge of Your Comfort Zone) for me has meant that I discovered that there have been moments where my actions or inaction was the result of fear.  Fear cripples you, cages you and holds you back (Mindful Monday #10 – Letting Go).  When we have friends that cripple us, cage us or hold us back, we let them go (Out with the Mold).  So why don’t we do that with fear too? (Fuck It Seeds: How to Overcome Fear)  All I want for anyone that crosses my path is for them to be happy.  If you are happy, awesome!  If you aren’t happy, why not and what will your tipping point be if any?

 

“These Days” by Nico came up on my iTunes this week and it made me think about how I once feared that I didn’t want this song to be how my life unfolded.  This song is the perfect song about regret and the topic of time.  Lyrics below.

These Days– Written By Jackson Brown

I’ve been out walking
I don’t do too much talking
These days, these days
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to.

I’ve stopped my rambling
I don’t do too much gambling
These days, these days
These days I seem to think about
How all the changes came about my ways
And I wonder if I would see another highway

I had a lover
I don’t think I’ll risk another
These days, these days
And if I seem to be afraid
To live the life that I have made in song
It’s just that I’ve been losing so long

I’ve stopped my dreaming
I won’t do too much scheming
These days, these days
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten
Please don’t confront me with my failures
I had not forgotten them