I am embarking on a personal writing journey (Mindful Monday #10: Letting Go) for the Month of May. I will write the third part of my solo piece (The Unimaginable), which is the hardest story to write to date. I’ve avoided writing this story, I’ve avoided this storyline for almost a decade. In all fairness, I was blind to this fact.
I had writers block for 8 years. Writing has come easy to me since I was a kid, but during those 8 years writing was a task. I have a journal filled with script ideas, but when it came to actually writing, I never could get a thought out. And when I was able to put thoughts on paper, the story I felt the most compelled to write is this particular story. No matter how hard I tried, I could never work this story out. And believe me I tried. I could get as far as the first act and then I was lost at where the story would go next. I didn’t know why I couldn’t write this back then? Overtime, I taunted and teased this story and slowly it broke though. As it took my breath away, I started to understand. Like the call to focus on my voice, the call to take the leap of faith (Mindful Monday #8: Leap of Faith)(Leap of Faith – Update), I am faced with this next call.
I will once and for all sit and write out and/or cry out this story for further exploration, understanding and healing. This particular story has continued to have power over me, which I only realized recently. I choose to reclaim my power, reclaim this story and let go (How to Let Go) fully and completely. The universe is putting all fear that I have, in my path, during my year of facing fear (Goals 2014). While facing my fears has been challenging, I am grateful for all the truths both beautiful and hard that I have learned in this process of surrendering to life and letting to.
“Experience life as it comes and be mindful not to label it as good or bad.” – N. Massouh
I have often attached personal experiences to music for healing, understanding or motivation. The song that comes to mind, that will serve as my theme song for this time is Florence + the Machine’s “Shake it Out.” Lyrics are below.
“Shake it Out” by Florence + the Machine’s
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It’s always darkest before the dawn
And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I’m always dragging that horse around
All of his questions, such a mournful sound
Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground
Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It’s always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah!
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah!
And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, ooh woah!
And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It’s always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah!
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah!
And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, ooh woah!
(shake him off)
And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
(shake him off)
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
(shake him off)
It’s a fine romance but its left me so undone
(shake him off)
It’s always darkest before the dawn
Oh woah, oh woah!
And I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t
So here’s to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope
And I’m ready to suffer and I’m ready to hope
It’s a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I’m gonna let it happen to me, ohh
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah!
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah!
And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, ooh woah!
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah!
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah!
And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah!
Illuminated Voice 