“I think you need to let God heal you, before you write,” my college mentor told me.
My first week home has revolved more around re-connection then writing. Each time I sat to write, I couldn’t write. I tried different ways to start writing and still a blank page. I grew frustrated that I focused this time on writing, I mentally prepared myself for it and when it came to actually write, nothing came out. On top of writing the month, I planned to catch up with close friends and develop an action plan for a new career goal. I also decided to reach out to mentors to not only catch up, but I hoped that they would corroborate my career goals.
My mentor wasn’t the first person that suggested that I rest first. She was the fourth person to suggest it. My best friend, who I call brother Teddy, gets frustrated when he gives advice and I don’t follow it. He told me, last month, that he wasn’t going to give advice anymore because I don’t listen. I told him I DO listen, but I think about his advice sometimes before it clicks in my awareness or before I incorporate into my life. I was reluctant to take my friends advice because I felt it went against my goal to write. I felt ready to write as this time approached and I was disappointed that I couldn’t write each time I tried.
My meet up with my mentor extended far beyond my expectations. We met when I was a rising freshman, she has seen me grow in my college years and as a result of social media she has seen my career evolve in my post college years. To my surprise our two or three-hour catch up not only covered career goals, but all aspects of my life. It was so great to see my mentor and catch up with her. She provided a lot of insight that really got me to think deeply about my growth this past year and past few months. She is in the process of writing a book. She realized that she needs to heal herself before she write her book and advised me that my story may not be coming out because there are aspects of me that still needs to heal first. I couldn’t agree with her more.
I’m saddened how much power we give to aspects of our lives and saddened by how hard experiences shape us.
This week has not been a bust, though the goal setting me would say that it has been. This week has been everything I needed it to be that I didn’t know I needed. There is still time this month for me to both write and heal. At some point the words will come.