Metamorphosis

It’s almost been a week since I have been back in Los Angeles from my month (seven weeks) of writing (aka my month of meditation). My week back has been fairly low key. I am taking the time to get back into the flow or pace of LA. LA has a different flow. I always feel like there isn’t enough time here. And I feel like the days just fly. I know LA has the same amount of time in a day as everywhere else, but there is something about this place that makes time feel like it is going at a quicker tempo or pace. It even feels that you lose time here when you are drive from point A to point B because of the traffic. (One of my mentors told me that in LA your life revolves around traffic and now that I have lived here for almost four years, I can now say she was right.) Every place everywhere has it’s own flow, culture and language or terminology. It’s almost only with a change of scenery that we are able to gain a new perspective. It’s hard to gain perspective in the moment. It’s almost always easier to gain perspective once the moment has passed.

My visit home and the quality time spent with my friends and family, was the best gift I have been given, by the universe and I wasn’t aware of the gift that was ahead of me. I just knew I needed the time for me to write. The gift I was given wasn’t felt until I lived out each day with my friends and family. Now that I am home, with a little distance and more time to reflect on all that my month of writing provided me, it is even more profound. At times I thought be careful what you wish for (because the wish may come true.) My secret wish that I did not blog about when I wrote about my month of writing was that I told the universe that I wanted to let go of anything that is not working for me i.e. thoughts, habits, beliefs, people or relationships. I’m in such awe with what has been presented, uncovered and discovered that at times it felt like too much information all at once.

I plan to write about my month of writing in more detail, but I am overwhelmed by all the lessons that I learned. I was literally learning something profound each day. I did well to stay as present as I could with my family and friends, but toward the end of my trip I would pulled out of the moment as I thought about my growth as the weeks progressed. I am not the same person I was seven weeks ago. I feel like the past seven weeks has aged me. And I feel like I lost something as well and I am trying to understand what that is. Without much thought, I feel what I lost was just my old skin. It may be premature for me to say the following thing, but I feel the most important thing I learned is just how fragile life is. I’m not talking about life versus death fragile. I’m talking about how much the smaller things that have the biggest impact like our words, our beliefs, our truths and stories how much they can crumble in an instance when you your self change or your perspective change. If that sort of change doesn’t occur, just considering a new perspective or alternative idea can begin to crumble even the strongest of truths that one carries with them.  Just seeing how much life flows like a river and can change at any moment for me points towards why it is necessary to loosen our grip on whatever it is that we are holding on to that keeps us from moving forward.