“I feel old.” I told my friend as we caught up at his restaurant. “Not old, but mature. And I feel worn down too. ” I went back to my hometown in May with the hope that I would write the rest of my solo show (The Unimaginable). The writing I planned did not happen, but what did occur forever changed me. Since the Spring 2013 my life has been in a constant state of transformation. This transformation was prompted by my desire to live a balanced life. That year my goals focused on my Mind (Nurture My Creativity), Body (Practice Yoga) and Soul (Meditate Daily). In May I realized that I was living the balanced life I wanted. And by June, I noticed that my goals combined into a super power that took on a life of it’s own. The life it took on was my life and it was that force that created this new life, this new voice and this new perspective that has informed my writing (Redirection: 7 Lessons from Living Differently).
Everything I did last year pushed me to be mindful, meditate and quiet my mind. At the same time it pushed me to get a better grip on life by loosening my grip (How to Get A Grip On Your Life). I learned all the ways I have adapted to society to fit in and for self-preservation and learned to let those tools go so that I can live my life even more fully. To continue with the momentum of last year’s goals this year I set goals to Live Vulnerably, Face Fear and Let Go. These goals are the most challenging yet rewarding goals I have ever set in the twenty plus years that I have been goal setting. These goals not only picked up where the last goals left off, but compliment each other very well and have changed my life at a faster rate than their predecessors. By February I felt the shift. And my March I made the “leap of faith.” I feel these goals have had the most impact on my life because they surround universal principles for living a balanced life. Plus they are stronger in their impact because I am fully awake, as present (as I can be, it’s a work in progress) and open to the power of transformation that these goals can have in my life.
My month of writing had the same spirit of my goals. I have a list of all that I learned or re-learned. I have a list of memories from my past that I had forgotten and memories that are remembered differently because who I am has changed. And my stories have changed too (Enlightenment). I saw the human condition at it’s simplest and purest and at it’s most complex and troublesome. The moments in between were rich experiences because I knew that I might never have those same moments again. I am not delaying a post of what I learned to build suspense; I am just not ready to write about them because of how fruitful, life changing and humbling that experience was and I want to make sure I understand it all fully. And I want to make sure that I honor that experience and write about it as accurately as I can. Showing up, saying yes, and being willing to let go opens up possibility beyond anything you could imagine.
“The truth dazzles gradually or else the world would be blind.” – Emily Dickenson