Lose Sight of the Shoreline
“Be careful what you wish for…” is the phrase that has come up a lot these past two weeks. Never before has that phrase ever applied to me like it does at this moment. In the month that I have been back in Los Angeles, since my month of writing, my life has made a complete 180 in the direction toward my leap of faith. What I have chosen to leap toward is not a singular goal, but a new vision or a re-vision for my entire life, which is a total risk. To my surprise, my life is going in the direction that I planned for it to go, which is proof that I am on the right path. While I am grateful for life responding so eagerly to my call for action, this has been a challenge each step of the way. This transition was supposed to be gradual so that I could ease into the start of my new vision. Instead, the rug has been pulled out from under me and my world has completely changed in a short amount of time. I am catching my breath as I adjust to this new reality/ life. I didn’t anticipate that I would mourn the loss of my old reality, even though I was ready to let go when I decided to take the leap. And I never imagined that I would doubt that decision all together. On top of all this, my decision to let go of anything that is no longer working for me has also come true. Everything that was familiar and safe feels very distant now. I thought my month of writing would be the cap for letting go of what wasn’t working for me, as I intended for it to be, but I am finding that it was just the beginning. I choose to stay fearless (as fearless as I can), because that is all I can do, and it is what is needed, to see the life I am fully capable of living.