My month of writing was my intention to go home and write the last piece of my solo show. My second intention, to let go of what wasn’t working for me, was the catalyst or inciting incident, which caused the series of events and realizations that unfolded before me. The universe provided a space for me to be in a way that I didn’t know I needed (and a way, I feel, everyone in society needs too). It was nice to spend quality time with friends and family that didn’t feel rushed because I was given the time.
I knew I needed to let go of small grains of sand from moments of my past, yet the universe pushed me further and challenged me to let go of more than I could see from my vantage point. In some cases, I let go of things I was not ready to release. I saw first hand just how fragile life is, moment to moment. Nothing is guaranteed, to believe otherwise sets us up for disappointment. Life provides the alternative when we least expect it. I thought my intention to let go had an expiration date. Had I thought deeper about the power of intentions, I would have remembered to be careful what you wish for. Setting any intention is like pulling a string on a textile, it will continue to unravel until it is done. I have seen how far the rabbit hole goes and it’s still going. I continued to discover more lessons months after I left home.
I felt profoundly changed by my experience, when I returned to Los Angeles. While I was energized with this new life and new possibility, I felt very worn down and very alone. I could not help but acknowledge how much I had grown and matured. I even told a friend that I felt old. I felt like I learned a lifetime of wisdom in a short amount of time.
My spiritual mentor, told me about an interview she heard about a woman who had a year of struggle. One day the woman asked herself a question. “Why is this happening to me?” The answer that came to her, “This is happening for you.” The universe waited for me to meet it at home to present all the lessons, knowledge and perspective I needed to learn so I could move forward and level up. My college mentor told me, “the person or circumstance will come in time.” In this case, the right people were all the people who I met up with and ran into, because they each had an impact on me in some way. Everything that happens in our lives has value; we just need to train ourselves to see life in this way. The sum of my lessons and experience is this: The things that you are meant to do in life, may be the very things that scare you.
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