My Month of Writing – 1 Year Anniversary – Reflection

There are moments in life that we mark as significant. Other moments go unmarked. Some moments are a whisper, that have the biggest impact on our lives. For me, my month of writing was a whisper, which echos can still be heard and continues to live in my heart.

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On this date, one year ago, I packed up my belongings and headed to my home town for what I called “my month of writing”.  The plan was to finish writing the final part of my solo show. The solo show was a challenge, from my voice coach, to write about the three hardest moments of my life. I had written two of the moments, but the third moment stifled me each time I thought about it. How can I possibly write about this? I thought to myself.

Each moment had it’s own story, it’s own emotion and it’s own weight in my life. The weeks that led up to that month, I was in a book club. The book club required our group to dig deep and talk about the three moments that shaped our lives.  For me, my three hardest moments were also the three moments that shaped my life. All three moments had a huge impact on me and changed the way I lived my life. As I spoke my truth and cried deeply to my book club, I realized that further healing was required surrounding the third hard moment. Heading into that month, through my writing I realized that holding on to small grains of sand from my past hurts, in hopes that they would never happen again, was hurting me. Those small grains felt like boulders. Hadn’t I learned from and fully let go of these moments?  At the same time I had just committed to my leap of faith towards a new career as a writer/ speaker. Once I committed to take my leap of faith, and after deciding to write when the current project I was on ended, life responded.  What happened next changed my life.

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My month of writing became my seven weeks of meditation. While I did write, I did not work on my solo show. Each day I would fight with myself to write, and each day no words came. My mentor pointed out that I wasn’t healed yet. She said I needed to heal and only when that occurred the words would come. So I rested. I caught up with friends and family. I spent quality time with the people I cared about. And I forgave myself for my part of my past and healed. A week later I met a soul mate who was gone as quickly as he entered my life.

Re-entering into my LA life was hard because of all I had experienced and learned from that time.  My home was the same, but I wasn’t. I had changed. Weeks after that time, lessons continued to pour into my life completely changing the landscape of my life, career and heart. Even though it was all amazing, it was so hard because I had no one to talk to that could relate to the inner work that did on my own. Life started to unravel and continues to unravel. Life is becoming what it was meant to be all along. I never identified myself as brave, as I pushed myself to face my fears and break down my walls. In hindsight, I was nothing but brave. Even though I lived it, I cannot believe all that I did. Listen to your heart, what is it telling you? There is and has always been a best life out there for you. What are you waiting for?

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