The Cusp of Change

This week was the start of change in my life. I’ve needed change for the past three months, but I wasn’t sure what type of change would be the best for me? As I pushed forward, I found myself in a situation that had change written all over it, but as soon as I stepped into it – my body had a strong reaction to the toxic environment. During that time, my friends, family and I were worried for my well being. After that experience I felt very defeated and lost. While I caught up with a girlfriend a few weeks ago, in the retelling of my experiences to her, I was reminded that this year has been a challenge.

I was very apprehensive to step into a new environment again, because I have experienced a series of upsets in many areas of my life for a year this month. Without fail the universe provided exactly what I need when I need it. Even in my doubt, the universe provided for me. I keep telling my friends that life was easier before I found my voice and before I took my leap of faith, yet I need to remind myself that I was living half alive then and now I am living life to it’s fullest capacity. This year has been the year of clearing any clutter from my life. It is not easy to look at your life and habits from this new perspective and see the ways you unknowingly have hurt yourself by accommodating others, not speaking up or caring too much.

The greatest gift this year has been perspective. The universe continues to put me in familiar places and situations to show me how much I have grown. This new environment is not entirely new because it is a familiar environment but the players are different including me. Within a week in this environment I am amazed at how much I have changed in a year and in five years. I am no longer quiet or afraid of my voice and it’s strength and I am no longer afraid to use my voice even if it means addressing the uncomfortable.

There is a new song that speaks to everything I have written about this year that is fitting for this post. Regardless of your season enjoy it, know that it can change at any moment and believe. Fight for what you deserve, because you can’t expect someone else to fight your battle.

Fight Song – Rachel Platten

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep
Everybody’s worried about me
In too deep
Say I’m in too deep (in too deep)
And it’s been two years
I miss my home
But there’s a fire burning in my bones
And I still believe
Yeah I still believe

And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song (Hey!)
Take back my life song (Hey!)
Prove I’m alright song (Hey!)
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong (I’ll be strong)
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Now I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me