Have you ever had a moment in your life where everything felt right? Slowly your hard work started to come together and pay off in ways you couldn’t imagine. That’s how the beginning of the year was for me, but life quickly changed as soon as February came around. Since then, my life has had some lows and really low lows. In May, I was pushed to a point of almost giving up on this journey that I began in the Fall of 2013. What kept me going was knowing where all the other paths would lead.
This week has been a change of pace from the past few months. There have been several moments where I paused, genuinely smiled a warm smile and gave thanks for the change of pace and for what I am starting to understand, realize and remember. This specific journey that I have been called and choose to walk, brought me to a place where every aspect of my life is challenged. These challenges attacked what I call my “perceived” security i.e. relationships, love, work, home and life plans. Once I let the dust settle on my friendships in February, that was the start of letting the dust settle in other areas of my life too. It hasn’t been easy to face hard truths or let go of beliefs or parts of my life that I have built for years.
Life is incredibly fluid. We make our life difficult. We act like a dam to life and we inhibit life from being what it can be with our perceptions, “sense of security”, fear, rigid plans and lies that we tell ourselves. While I have chosen to let go of so much this year, initially it didn’t feel like a choice. I felt like I was forced to let go of aspects of my life that I wasn’t willing or fully ready to release. Life showed me that I was holding on to more then I needed. Even though I groaned, I knew letting go was for my own good and I knew that anything that was meant to be, would be in my life. My being and my life do not resemble anything from former versions of myself or life. While I have an idea of what I feel my purpose in life is, I have left space for life to do it’s work where needed. While I don’t have complete faith, trust or patience yet, they are stronger then when I started. My commitment to this journey has been strengthened with recent realizations and I am grateful in this moment for the extended calm that life has provided to catch my breath and start to understand a small part of this journey. I chose to rise up to live a big life, as life intends for all of us to live, and life is calling me to make big changes to prepare for the life I aspire to live.