“I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing […] [S]he’s moved on while I’m still grieving. [W]hen a heart breaks no it don’t break even.”
-“Breakeven” by the Script
When a relationship ends, there is usually one person that grieves more then the other. Often times we feel we are the one grieving more then our ex, but that may not always be the case. Depending on how a relationship ends, if you are able to remain friends with your ex, you are more likely to get answers to questions that come up about your former relationship. If you realize that it’s best to end all contact with your ex, you may always have unanswered questions. It’s okay to reflect and question your former relationship, that is the foundation of growth and healing. Sometimes we hold on to questions so tightly that they weigh us down or keep us captive from finding new love or really letting go in a new relationship.
Some of my friends are struggling with breakups that are new or were from long term relationships that ended years ago. Some friends still hold a deep caring for their ex that keep them emotionally attached while others have stumbled upon new questions that come up as a result of being more removed from the breakup.
For the record, some of my male friends are also in the space of unanswered questions. Men get a lot of crap thrown at them when it comes to breakups and emotions, without real consideration that society doesn’t raise men or provide a space for them to feel more then happiness, pleasure and anger.
Sometimes we may have questions that suffocate us. If your actions or inaction ended a relationship, it is important to forgive yourself rather then wait to be forgiven. If you wait for forgiveness, you may never be freed. Rather then holding on to hope that your questions will be answered some day, it is important to let go, surrender and accept the fact that you may never get the resolve you desire. I truly believe that life will always turn out in our favor if we live in our authenticity and lead with love. There are two experiences that I had within the past two – three years that support this belief, I will write about them for my next free write.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!