Today is my “Saturday.” My birthday celebration last Monday was the perfect balance of all that matters to me. I didn’t have any expectations on the day, I just wanted to savor every moment. Weeks leading up to that day, I questioned how I got through the year. Last year at this time, I was crawling but this time I am walking at a good leisurely pace. What changed in me? This year as things were taken from me I felt very weak, but then I found a strength I would never have known had I not had some of these experiences or surrendered to each moment. Surrendering is the hardest thing you can do, because you are admitting that you can not control anything but yourself. The only difference in all of it is that I am more understanding of these changes and I can affirm that I AM in the flow of life now.
There were two deep conversations at my birthday dinner that lead to a few realizations. My birthday guests consisted of friends from various aspects of my life. Some of those friends are part of my day to day, others are friends that I see sometimes yearly or biannually. A friend, who I hadn’t seen in over a year, innocently asked how I am still in my industry. When we last spoke, he knew that I was planning on getting out. That lead me to discuss all the struggles with my career this year. One of my girlfriends tried to stop the conversation, but I told her that I am okay with being open and honest about my struggles. There was no anger or sadness that came up, as I spoke. I wasn’t hiding emotions either. When all was said and done I accepted the thought that my vision of a creative life may not come to pass. This new path, has brought so much good experiences, wisdom, growth and people into my life that I know I am where I am meant to be, career and all. I have not only accepted my struggles from last year, but all the struggles that led me to this point. I am starting to see my current career as a vessel to my enlightenment and following my creative passion is making my life even richer. I’m at peace.
Since this new personal year has begun, I have been beaming with happiness and gratitude. I feel like a kid, because of how free and open I am. While I accepted a second leap of faith, I was unsure of it because I am fully accepting the unknown. Now that I have peace, I am fully ready for what will come. I have put everything on the table for the universe to play with to make my life what it needs to be for me. My life is beginning to shift again. I faced my first fear of the year already too. In the moment, I went towards it with no hesitation – a sign of growth! In the moment fear didn’t feel like fear, it felt like intuition.