I. Am. Exhausted. These past six days I have been staying home. I have limited energy and the burst of energy that I do have does not last very long. The absence of energy has brought a deep sense of gratitude for the energy that I had and the energy that at times I wasted. I wrote in a facebook post that “every moment provides a lesson for us to learn,” here are the lessons that I learned from my limited energy.

• You are not willing to go to energy sucking events.

There was a high energy event that I was excited to go to for the past two weeks. I spent all day Saturday resting so I could go. Like a star athlete prepares for a game, I was getting mentally prepared to be in this high energy environment. When the moment arrived to go, I stayed in. While I would have enjoyed the event and could power thorough it, it would have taken a lot more energy then would have been restored had I gone.

• You are not willing to spend time with energy sucking people.

The high energy event would have brought new people into my life and I love meeting new people. Putting the energy towards being in that space sick, drained me just thinking about it. I like authentic interactions and some high energy events, don’t always allow the space to really connect with people in the way I like connect.

• It becomes clear where you want to spend your energy.

I went to dinner, with a small group of friends, close to home. This group of friends are authentic so I knew any energy I put out, I was get back. And I did! I did not feel tired until I was home.

• You will only meet people have way.

I have often put more energy into relationships both romantic and platonic, then I have gotten out of them. I have put my foot down over the years in this regard and have really let go of some very meaningful friendships because there was more cost then reward. On two different occasions, I was willing to help a friends and meet up with another friend, but only with parameters that leaned towards preserving my energy. I never speak up for myself as much as I have in this condition.

• You loose your filter.

I am always lovingly, honest. Being sick has provided the space for me to be that in a condensed form. I usually speak in metaphors and parables, but being sick has gotten me to speak in terms of “the moral of the story.” I cut out all the meat and get to the point.

• You surrender to your limit.

I have written a few posts about surrender, which hasn’t always been my friend. What I have learned from surrender is that it gets easier. I have not pushed myself to go past my physical limits, because I am listening to my body. When I woke up Saturday, I knew I needed to take it easy. Resting was the logical step. There are a lot of chores and goals that I wanted to check off this week, but my energy will not allow for it. I am surprised that I have been able to accept that getting up and doing one chore is good enough, because that is the best I can do based on my current state of health.

• You appreciate what you can do with limited energy.

Since I have been sick I am surprised with what I have accomplished. I have completed the chores that needed to get done this week.

• You have a deeper appreciation for being.
  

I have sincerely enjoyed resting and being. I am very goal oriented, so just being and not getting things done has been a challenge. One of my life goals is to be fully present, which has helped me ease up on my type A tendencies. In this case, I have not fought for anything more then to be. In the process, I am gaining a lot of deep spiritual understandings. (This post is one of them.)

• You wonder why you gave up your energy to begin with?

Being alone for long periods of time, in my current state of health, has made me appreciate what I may not normally appreciate had I not been humbled by this moments. A lot of this blog is me questioning our habits and wondering if they help us or hinder us? I have always been mindful of where I put my energy and who I spend my time with, but I don’t always succeed in this regard. This state of being has cut out any gray areas where I may have once faltered. I am thankful for this perspective. In my spiritual growth, I know that to an outsider may feel like a hiccup, it is part of the journey towards my vision.