I’m sitting in a Starbucks in the southwest as I write. Life is simpler, easier. Miles away are the busy, crowded streets of Los Angeles. I am home. I have fond memories here and I come back often to see my family and friends. I am here to center myself and gain clarity for my next steps. I came home during my six month hiatus from work and came back last year for my month of writing. After experiencing six days of exhaustion in Los Angeles,I felt it would be best to go home to fully rest. The rest I seek can only be found at home.
It’s been ten years since I felt this weak, and about ten years before was when I got sick like this for the first time. Each time, for different circumstances, my body’s scream to rest. I am responding different. I am not resisting what my body needs, but I am leaning into it. There are many humbling lessons that I am learning from this time. I am enjoying relaxing, sleeping in and going to bed early without guilt, a care or worry. I am enjoying staying in and reading. I am enjoying watching the most tv I have watched in over three years.
Three years ago I gave up cable. When I moved to my new apartment, at the time, it was in an area where the cable was hit or miss. Working long days I enjoyed coming home to watch tv and unwind after work, but when cable stopped working it became a burden and an unnecessary expense. I decided to get rid of cable so that I could really focus on building a more balanced life. I wanted to start writing and I wanted to read, but tv got in the way. This time has reminded me, how different my life is and how much I have grown.
While I am feeling better, I still have limited energy. I know this is not permanent, but it could be and that scares me. How cool would it be if people could donate their energy to people who need, want it or actually use it constructively? I didn’t realize how much I value my energy, until I encountered a limited supply of it. In the grander scheme of things, I feel this rest is right where I am meant to be. Life is meeting me half way and preparing me for the next leap of faith that I have agreed and am committed to take. Time is providing the wisdom I need to operate as I continue to step forward towards my vision. I have realized a lot in six days and what I see is that all roads are coming to and end, the next leap will be a true leap.
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