I used to pray a lot when I was a kid.
I was raised to pray formal prayers and rarely did I make those prayers personal. There was a period of my early adulthood where I didn’t pray as often and over time I stopped. The practice just faded over time.
In the past five years, I have meditated more than I prayed. While some people view meditation as prayer; they are two different experiences for me. In the past two years, I started praying again and my prayers have become more personal and conversational, while meditation has become a way of life.
My focus this month is to set time aside to sit and meditate. The stillness and expanded awareness that I have gained from meditation, I apply to my life which has deepened my spirituality.
Since I have been on this journey of strengthening my voice, stepping into my purpose and facing my fears, my life has transformed. I know all the transformation is necessary, but it isn’t always easy and it’s been challenging each step of the way.
For a good part of last year, I questioned my decision to take the leap of faith in the first place.
I have always been an outsider with my education and being made fun of for my weight as a girl and as I got older my race became factors to the outsider experience. I have gotten used to this space, but I have longed for a different, easier experience at times.
My first leap of faith became very challenging last fall when I was battling a three month storm. While I have supportive friends, I started to pray, for almost a year, that I would meet someone who would understand what I was experiencing with minimal explanation.
At the start of the year I let go of stale friendships, I was heart broken and then my aunt died unexpectedly. When I came back from her funeral, I felt weak from all that I released. That same week I met someone.
We got along from the start and the more I got to know him the more I learned that we had similar experiences. Every time we connect our friendship deepens, we are growing at the same rate, seeking the same things and we are always on the same page. Often he tells me he understands where I am, with little to no explanation from me. It was only recently, that I realized he is the answer to my prayer. He came into my life, right when I needed hope and has since helped me through a lot of my challenges.
Sometimes when we pray, we don’t always get what we want.
Life will always provides you with what you need when you need it. If we aren’t paying attention, we may miss the very thing we seek.
I am thankful that I witnessed my answered prayer.