“I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore?” That line is from the Muse song Starlight. I first heard that song when I was an intern at a local radio station in Arizona and it quickly became the symbol of my dream to move to Los Angeles and further my career in the entertainment industry.

Every time I heard that song it spoke to the passion I had for my career as a filmmaker and the energy I had to make my dream a reality. I did not anticipate that I would change and my dream would shift into a new dream entirely. It has been almost two years since I realized I wanted a new career, and I use all my down time building up that career.

My new vision for my career and the new way I am living my life and speaking up more has lead me to a desert. I am looking around for people who I can relate to and people who can relate to me and I feel really alone. My voice coach urges me to push forward, along with all my supporters and mentors.

I have always done my own thing in life, but this is the first time I have felt this isolated. It did not help that I had to let go of so much this year. There is nothing in my life that I can hold on to for the feeling of safety and comfort. I am in a very vulnerable place. “I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore?” Since I know where I came from, moving forward is my only choice. I believe in my vision and I know that life is working with me to clear the clutter of all that I no longer need in my life, but life thinks I am stronger than I am feeling at the moment.

Far away
The ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

The starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let’s conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

Now I’ll never let you go
If you promised not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

Far away
The ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

And I’ll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms
I just wanted to hold