Today’s Thankful Thursday has been on my mind for a month.
Singlehood, depending on your age and gender, has different societal constructs and personal meanings that change at different stages of life.
Often articles list reasons why we should enjoy being single to help someone get through a breakup. Other articles discuss the importance of being single and emphasize not rushing into a relationship, instead take time between relationships to heal and get to know yourself. Today I am writing why I celebrate it.
I was on location when I realized fully and completely that I am thankful for Singlehood. There are many aspects to singlehood that have helped me grow in ways that being in a relationship could have hindered.
I am in a better place to take BIG risks. If I were in a relationship, married or had a child, I would think of the group over my personal desire before I made any big career or life choices. In singlehood, the only person to consider for any life choice is me. Taking two months off of work to write or six months off of work to rest, would not have happened if I had anyone relying on me financially.
You learn from the wisdom and experiences of your peers. When I was a kid I learned about the type of guys I wanted to date and relationship I wanted, based on the guys my sisters dated and the relationship dynamics. Likewise, in my singlehood, I have learned what type of romantic partner and the relationship dynamic I want in a romantic relationship and in marriage based on my friends marriages and divorces. I have also learned the important conversations that need to occurs before you get married or have kids.
I healed my heart. Everyone has baggage. We tend to repeat patterns in life until we’ve learned from them completely if ever. In other cases, if we’ve been hurt, we tend to do what we can at all costs to avoid facing the pain. Speaking my truth pointed towards the hard moments in my life that needed love. I have since lighted my baggage by confronting, learning and healing from past hurts.
I accept myself as I am. We have heard many times that the love of our life will love us fully for who we are. Through that love some may find a deeper love for themself inside themself. What if we are meant to be our own love of our life, and get into relationships with people who love them selves just as deep? What would that relational experience be like?
I know myself. Some relationships and marriages end because people want to find themselves. Knowing yourself thoroughly is a great place to be because you are less likely to compromise yourself or your life. Not only do you know what you deserve, you are better able to assert it to yourself and others. If you found yourself first, then got into a relationship what type of relationship would that be like?
I know what I want. Knowing what you want is a better place to operate from, because you won’t waste your time doing anything that is not aligned with what you desire including getting into relationships that aren’t right for you. If you compromise your standards in dating, your entire relationship will may be built on compromises which may not work for the long haul.
What do you enjoy about your singlehood? Does any of these points speak to you?
3 Comments Add yours
This is a beautiful comment and realization. Thank you for sharing. I have learned in my singlehood that I am ready for a long term relationship.
I am a firm believer that many of us are meant to figure out ourselves solo. Some people can marry young and grow together–but I don’t see a lot that don’t then chafe in middle age at what they didn’t get to do, be, learn. And now, as I’m single again in midlife, I realize how much I like having a partner. But how essential being alone has been to that realization.