I am currently meditating on marriage.

Last year I realized I was ready for marriage and what came next was a surprising universal counter argument to re-think that desire.

Now, I am trying to make sense of the information I learned in classes and through books and personal stories people told me.

Traditional values around marriage, dating and relationships is still very strong in our society. The degree in which these values are felt is based on a persons generation. For example if you were born in the seventies traditional values would have a stronger impact on you, versus if you were born in the 90’s or in the 2000s.

Women often look back on traditional values and consciously or unconsciously compare themselves to them. If women are not married or do not have kids by a certain age, people may judge these women and women may judge themselves with thoughts that they are missing out or feel like there is something wrong with them.

Articles are starting to emerge, from women who are enjoying their singlehood, have no prospects to be married and are perfectly happy. These articles touch on what they may be missing out on, but then address the freedom they have to know who they are, pursue their career and build the life they want.

Often I hear that dating is hard if not impossible in this day and age. The clash between traditional values versus contemporary values that are still being written, blurs the lines for both men and women on how to court/ be courted. Rather than play a guessing game…communicate. Be honest and clear to yourself and the subject of your desire, about who you are and what you want in a partner and a relationship. Most importantly stand by it.

Some people don’t know their needs or keep quiet and seek to address their needs often when it is too late. Others hope or believe that they can change their romantic partner or an aspect of their relationship once they are married.

You can not change people, no matter how hard you try. People change, only if they want to change. Even if you coerce someone to change, the change will only be temporary, because the persons intent needs to be pure and from their own will.

Marriage is not a fresh start or a clean slate, it is a continuation of the foundation built in your relationship while you were dating and a young couple. If you struggle or struggled with communication, support or teamwork before marriage, there chances are that it will continue throughout your marriage. A common effort among both partners to build the relationship structure, from communication, support, teamwork, and even finances must start during dating so that if can continue on in marriage.

Today’s song comes from Guys and Dolls. Two women Adelaide and Sarah decide to Marry the Man Today, with the belief that they can “change his ways tomorrow.” This song serves to remind us of old ways of thinking, that still influence society. Some of the well meaning advice, can create a lot of challenges to individuals seeking romantic partner or couples building their relationship. Listen to the songs advice and my kind suggest is to challenge it or do the opposite.

Love – Stephanie XO

Marry the Man Today from Guys and Dolls

At any vegetable market from Borneo to Nome
You mustn’t squeeze a melon till you get the melon home.

You’ve simply got to gamble

You get no guarantee

Now doesn’t that kind of apply to you and I

You and me.

Why not?

Why not what?

Marry the man today.
Trouble though he may be
Much as he likes to play
Crazy and wild and free
Marry the man today
Rather than sigh in sorrow
Marry the man today
And change his ways tomorrow.
Marry the man today.
Marry the man today
Maybe he’s leaving town
Don’t let him get away
Hurry and track him down
Counterattack him and
Marry the man today
Give him the girlish laughter
Give him your hand today
And save the fist for after.
Slowly introduce him to the better things
Respectable, conservative, and clean
Readers Digest
Guy Lombardo
Rogers Peet
Golf!
Galoshes
Ovaltine!
But marry the man today
Handle it meek and gently
Marry the man today and train him subsequently
Carefully expose him to domestic life
And if he ever tries to stray from you
Have a pot roast.
Have a headache
Have a baby
have two!
Six
Nine!
STOP!
But Marry the Man today
Rather than sign and sorrow
Marry the man today
And chance his ways – change his ways – his ways
Tomorrow!

Love – Stephanie XO