“It seems like you were on the train.” I told the woman with tired, worn eyes.

“On the train?” She asked in a confused tone.

In the moments leading up to what she revealed to me, I found myself linking her experience to a similar experience I had over eight years ago.

A romantic relationship, which went on longer than it should have, provided me with so much wisdom. Some of that wisdom brought me to give her advice on things to consider.

When relationships end, we review the entire relationship to see what went wrong. When did we turn left, instead of right? There was no red flags? Was there a warning sign? I should have paid more attention to that red flag when it occurred.

When my relationship ended, I reviewed it with a fine tooth comb. I wanted to make sure that I pulled every possible lesson and wisdom out of that experience so that I would not repeat it. I did not want to experience that level of hurt again.

If you do not learn a lesson that comes up in your life, you will continue to attract situations into your life, until you learn what you are meant to learn to reach your next level of growth.

As I reviewed my relationship, what once was a red flag in my initial experience, turned into a bitch slap. Each red flag hurt as much as the previous one, but when combined with all the red flags, it resulted in a deeper level of hurt than the actual experience of the relationship.

I betrayed myself. Eight years ago, I had no real relationship or strong connection to my intuition. While I followed it, I found myself in a few painful experiences which were the direct result of silencing my instincts or going against them.

The woman with tired, worn eyes was lost. She revealed to me that her marriage was coming to an end and she was trying to make sense of it. She was also torn between doing the right thing to be viewed in a positive light by her friends and family and doing what was right for her. She choose to stay in her marriage for the sake of her young adult children, but her secret was taking a toll on her. She was getting physically sick and worn down. She carried the burden of a divorce that no one else knew about but her husband.

“On the train?” She asked in a confused tone.

“When I was in a particular relationship their were red flags that I saw early on in the relationship. It wasn’t until the end of the relationship that they-”

“-Yes their were red flags,” she interrupted.

I understood that she was in a hard place on so many levels. Her silence was a burden, which I deeply felt, and she carried it alone. She told no one, until she told me.

“It is not fair to you go carry this burden. You need to tell someone. It’s hurting you.” I told her. There was more that was discussed. I provided her with a few things to think about and holistic classes to look into to help her cope, heal and find her voice.

Leaving a marriage has so many layers and may not be “practical”. I will not advise anyone on what to do if divorce is on the table, but I will always provide things to consider.

If you are in a challenging relationship, you always have a choice to get off the train. Red flags that you bypass will resurface in time.

While you may have years invested in a friendship, relationship or have been engaged for awhile you can always pull the emergency break to remove yourself from any toxic relationship or person.

Faith plays a part in what is next. You must trust in the great unknown. Trust that the universe has your back and that you will land on your feet. Trust in the space that was created from removing a toxic relationship or person from your life. Trust that when you say no to something, a yes is in route to you.

My biggest blessings have occurred in the great unknown.

Love, Stephanie – XO