I was in pain all weekend.

 

It wasn’t consistent, but sporadic. One wrong move resulted in a quick, sharp pain that would shoot all over my body.

 

It stopped me in my tracks each time it occurred.

All the physical and emotional pain that I have experienced in my life including broken toes, stitches, a month long illness or even relapse of illnesses could not compare to this pain.

It was a bully. Overtime, I started to accommodate my movements and then restricted my movements to avoid the pain.

 

By the 2nd day, my muscles started to tense and my breath started to restrict too. This state was becoming my norm and it had a deeper effect. I started to feel nervous consistently which resulted in the start of a nervous stomach.

I did my best to use my yoga and meditative breathing to relax, but my efforts had a minimal impact.

 

When I woke up, on the third day, I was the most relaxed I had been. My breath was full, my body relaxed and I was at peace. While I still had this random, sharp shooting pain from arbitrary movement, I enjoyed the peace of that moment. As I lay in bed I thought, what am I meant to learn from this situation? Self defense. 

Last month I took a self-defense class taught by a ninjutsu instructor. One thing I took from that class, I linked to my moment of peace. I was taught not to resist someone who was trying to dominate or control me, because it makes it easier for the person to physically control. Instead, do the opposite. We were taught to relax and go in the direction of the movement, during fight or flight situations, because you are better able to get out of it.

 

In life there are always situations that we cannot control. A divorce, break up, life transition; getting fired…no matter what we try to do, it will be painful. Rather than hate the moment or situations or try to resist it, do your best to relax. Being in a relaxed state during times of long term or unavoidable conflict or pain gives you the space you need to think mindfully and move more freely. Do not make yourself sick in worry and doubt, relax, breathe and find joy in the small moments that allow you to breathe easily.

 

Love – Stephanie XO

P.S. I am doing better and I was able to have an emergency visit to see my doctor. 🙂