I am wide awake.

I facilitated a night time Yoga Nidra for my sister (the doc student) on Tuesday, before she left town to go back home.

After the Nidra, I gave myself time to wind down and reset before I went to sleep. As I laid down to sleep thoughts circled my mind. I felt my thought wanted me to hold space for them so I did and this is where the thoughts led me:

I have been selectively silent.

So many beautiful things have emerged in this time of my life that I carved out for myself. I am being mindful to take the time to be present and soak it in.

Some moments can’t be captured in a picture, it can only truly be capture in the body by what you feel when you are among people you enjoy, learning something that excites you or doing what you love.

There is so much I want to share, but I don’t have the words. In some cases, it feels a bit premature to share my experiences, because they are a part of a larger whole that is not yet in my awareness.

I have not forgotten about you, dear friends. In fact, I have thought about you a lot and about how I will articulate this special and significant time of my life. 

When I pause the word that comes to mind is Gratitude. However, Gratitude does not fully encompass this experience. When I hold Gratitude in silence, the word that follows it is Love.

I have been so loved. I have loved so deeply. It is my love and desire to make the world better that brought me here. It’s love that continues to emerge as I dive into my studies.

My studies have brought me to reflect on and review my life experiences and the people I met along the way. Obscure memories from my life and people who I have not thought about in decades, or met in passing have been recalled too.

I have gained a deeper clarity of some moments and some people from the past that I did not know I needed.

All my experiences, which we have been taught to label as good and bad, have been cleansed with a new perspective that is neutral and drips with a deep level of compassion that I did not know was humanly possible.

This level of awareness has profoundly changed me. I noticed and felt this impact based on how I show up, experience the world and how I hold space for others. I’m becoming a neutral witness, which expands my capacity to hold more, see more and give more grounded advice.

I am awake, curious and excited for the shifts and changes that are upon me. My vision is getting clearer, changing and expanding. I am excited to see where this leads me.

On this weekend take time for yourself to put down your phone and be in total presence with any activity or task of your choosing from cooking to getting a massage or spending time with a loved one. Take in all the sensory information you can the smells, the textures, the sounds, what you see and most importantly how you feel and go deeper to notice where in your body you feel sensation. Don’t label it or judge it, hold space for it and be curious.

Love, Stephanie XO