Contemplating Death

I’ve been silent, but not speechless.

So much beauty has emerged in my life, since September. I am so excited and grateful for where my life is headed. I can not wait to share my news with you, and will do so, when the time is right. Right now I am asked to be present, listen and pay attention. 

If it wasn’t for my chosen silence, I would have missed out on the signs that I have been patiently waiting for for a few years.

The beauty and continual joy that I have been feeling has not come without struggle or without pain.  You can not have one with out the other. This year has been my hardest year to date. I have had a challenge every few months, which demanded a different part of me. 

Thus, this year has brought me into my completeness as a woman.

I am becoming more mindful and intune and with that, more wisdom emerges everywhere I turn. I can not keep up with all that I realize that I want to share with you out my genuine love for you and the community. I realized this year, just how much I love and love deeply. My heart, which was closed, out of several hard blows over the years, is now open and fully healed. I know this beause of how much more authentic I have become and how much more compassionate I have become.

With my new awareness, a deep well of compassion has been overflowing within me and it’s informing how I vision or revision my future. I have let go of so much and accepted a lot of hard truths to get to this point. That step was not easy to walk through.

When I took my leap of faith a few year ago, I talked about crying daily while I waited for a sign to be revealed to me. I thought I had to weight out the storm I was in, but the lesson was to let the storm take me where I needed to go. Now, for the past 48 hours I have cried as much as I did during that time. I never thought I would cry like that again, now I know different.

A relative of mine is in her last weeks, if not days in her physical form on the physical plane. This truth has slowly sunk in, and now is saturated in my body. I am completely exhausted because of how much energy I have realeased today though my tears. Even as I mourn the loss of a life, I am grateful to feel comfortable expressing my emotions and that I am able to be so open and vulnerable with you. I am thankful for the wisdom that is emerging from even this experience and what it is pointing me towards. You can not have one with out the other. In struggle I found beauty. In sadness I found gratitude. In heartbreak I found love.

Life gives you messages all the time. Some times we get pieces of it, sometimes we get a sentence or a simple word. If your listen long enough, trust yourself and trust the unknown, the message will become clearer. I promise.

With deep love – Stephanie XO