We are often told that happiness and love resides within, but rarely do we find it.

Often we go outside ourselves to find our love or happiness in a person and /or a relationship. If we don’t find the love or happiness that we imagine, we end up disappointed. Before we know it, whether we processed our old relationship or not, we are back at the dating game again.

In February of 2016, a month long meditation on love lead me to find my source of happiness and love within which lead me to freedom.  For the first time in my life, I knew I was fully and completely ready for marriage, because I worked through the fears and myths.

The way we are raised and nurtured in childhood, informs how we communicate and relate to others, throughout our lives. Until we become aware of our habits, they will be our default. Unless, we choose to think, do or live differently.

In September of 2016, I took a one day course called Conscious Dating and Relating and I learned about the Anima or Animus that can effect how we relate to our romantic partners. The information listed below is the most fascinating and comes from the book “Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men” by Martin Ucik.

Men and women have both a masculine and feminine side to their personality when they are born. 

Anima is psychiatrist Carl Jung’s term for the feminine part of a man’s personality. Animus, is the masculine part of a woman’s personality.

Below are the five levels of Anima and Animus in men and women. Men are nurtured and raised to suppress their feminine side to a degree, while women are nurtured and raised to suppress their masculine side to a degree. We seek archetypes in our partner that will balance our suppressed masculine or feminine. (Thus, Stage 1 for the male archetype will often be coupled with Stage 1 for women.) Our archetype also dictates how we interact and relate to our partner.

These archetypes are a tier in the level of consciousness, five being the most conscious.

WOMEN

• Stage 1: Male as Alien outsider: She fears, hates and is strangely attached to him.
• Stage 2: Male as father God or King: She want’s his approval.
• Stage 3: Male as Hero: She wants to look up to him (Marry him).
• Stage 4: Male as an Independent Being: She wants to find out who she is outside her relationship with men.
• Stage 5: Male as a Partner: She wants him as an equal and opposite partner.

MEN

• Stage 1: Female as Mother: He needs a mommy to take care of him.
• Stage 2: Female as Sex Object: He wants her to admire him/ be sexually submissive.
• Stage 3: Female as Supportive Partner: He wants her to be caring loving wife who he provides for.
• Stage 4: Female as creative/ spiritual guides: She challenges him to find meaning/ love from a source other than a woman.
• Stage 5: Female as equal partner: He sees her as an equal and opposite partner.

Stage 2 Male and Stage 2 Female partnership is the iconic Alpha Male/ Trophy Wife couple.

Stage 3 Male and Stage 3 Female partnership is the most common and is the nuclear family model.

Stage 4 for women, often leads to a mid-life crisis and/or divorce. This type of woman has spent her life in many relationships with men, and wants space to fully know herself.

What archetype are you? What archetype is your partner? Does this shed life to how you are currently dating and relating to potential mates?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Love – Stephanie XO