I decided to focus my life on balance last year. I sought to balance my mind, body and soul and yoga naturally seemed to fit into those goals. I wanted to study yoga for years until that point, and now I am a year into my yoga practice and prefer restorative yoga, which uses props to aid in poses. Last year, I did a yoga pose that required me to use a rope attached to a wall. As I leaned back into the pose, my grip on the rope got tighter. I gripped the rope so tightly that my arms were tense. When my yoga instructor came around, she told me that I don’t need to grip the rope so tightly. She said just like in life we don’t need to grip on to it so tightly, we can loosen our grip and be okay. I took her advice and loosened my grip on the rope that day and later learned to loosen my grip on life.
I haven’t been writing my solo show… at all. I’m only blogging. I’m trying not to judge or label, my lack of writing, as an “un-productive” use of time. I feel we, as westerners, are socialized to judge how we use (or don’t use) our time and energy based on what we produce or generate (What is success?). I know I need to push through fear to write, but each time I force the process little to nothing is written (Shake it Out – My Month of Writing).
When I met with my mentor last week, she advised that I heal before I write (Heal First, Write Second). Her advice allowed me to relax, loosen my grip and let go of the expectation that I need to write this month. I acted as though this will be the only time I have to write. It allowed me to let go of the expectation that I have to finish my solo show by the end of May. My best friend, brother Teddy, doesn’t like that I put deadlines on the goals I set for myself. He feels that placing a deadline on a goal makes my goal rigid. For me, a deadline gives a goal more weight and is a step closer to achievement. Creativity is given life when we allow it to breathe and happen organically. No matter how hard I grip on my need to write, creativity will come when it’s good and ready.
One of my goals for the year is to let go/ surrender to life (Goals 2014). I want to let go and erase the restrictions placed on me by others and myself as a result of thoughts, judgments and labels about me, made by others and myself. I’ve been spending a lot of my designated writing time with friends, family and mentors. I love catching up with friends because they offer great prospective and see growths in me in ways that I can’t see.
Two truths about my reality were annihilated within the first week I was here. I didn’t know this was possible? Those two truths were so true to me that they were like brands on my life. In two different realizations, those two brands were cleansed from my reality, their weight lifted and a new reality revealed. It was like a magic trick. Now you see it. Now you don’t. My friends helped me change my perspectives on those truths that I have viewed as burdens for years. They helped me let go, heal from those truths and see the truths as blessings.
I focused so much on my need to write that I didn’t think of any alternatives to the month. I learned in yoga not to grip tightly to life, yet I gripped tightly to my expectation to write. It wasn’t until I loosened that grip that I allowed myself to rest. Had I not allowed myself to just be, my new truth and new reality may not have been revealed to me. This year, I chose to not grip to life at all. I choose to walk with my hands fully open and my palms facing up. I am open to let go of anything that doesn’t serve me and ready to receive anything that comes my way. The universe showed me its art of misdirection and the beauty that is possible if you are open to it. Sometimes the things you are focusing on or holding on to, is not the thing that you need. What in your life can you loosen your grip on or let go of?