‘No Longer the Quiet, Shy Girl Who was in Pain’

I never planned to be here.

I never thought I would write this blog, write this consistently and live the life I am living.

Today is my three-year anniversary of starting The Illuminated Voice.

This blog started out as a goal for myself to practice being vulnerable. I was challenged to perform a solo show, by my voice coach, about the hardest moments of my life.

I believed I could not do it back then, because it was too much of a vulnerable risk.

While, I have tabled the one-woman show, I did not table the goal to be more vulnerable.

Now I lead with vulnerability in every aspect of my life.

I didn’t see myself in this space or place, with the desire to bring people together in community, honor all that makes us human and seek to assist the future growth and healing of others.

It’s been odd to hear people retell my story back to me. What people have taken from my story and my words has brought some needed prospective.

My sister, the doc student, and I have early morning conversations, as I get ready for work. It’s been through my writing that both my sisters have learned things about my life that I never thought to share with them.

One thing that my sister told me about a year ago is “You’ve been through a lot.”

I remember how much that meant to me, because people often see my happiness, but don’t consider my journey and the possible challenges and set backs I’ve had in my life.

While I have always been happy, I was suffering in my silence and I didn’t know it.

Last month, my sister, the doc student, told me “You are no longer the quiet shy, girl who was in pain.”

That summary of the girl I was and the woman I was is accurate. I’ve always wanted to be this woman, since I was a girl.

The woman I am and the girl that dreamed this dream for me is proud.

I am so grateful for my life, the people who are actively apart of it and for those who send love, light and positive vibes from a far.

All of this. All. Of. This. Is present in your life, for you, to embrace and become even more then you thought you could be.

Though we may never meet, I believe in your possibility.

With Deep Love – Stephanie XO


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